Friends - Many or Few?

I want to look at a few passages of Scripture and answer the question: "Should I have a lot of friends or only a few?" By the end of this study, I believe the answer is a few, close friends.

What are Friends For?

Before we look at many vs. few friends, it's useful to see what God says about what friends are for. According to God, friends fulfill the following:

1. Love

Proverbs 17:17, "A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity."

God says that a friend is there to love you. Friends are there to be alongside you and love you when no one else will. When you're feeling down, feeling worthless, feeling totally and completely hated by the world, the friend is there to give you the love no one else will.

2. Rebuke

Proverbs 27:5-6, "⁵Better is open rebuke Than love that is concealed. ⁶Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy."

Friends are there to make sure we stay in line with God. They are there to protect us and edify us. If we make a mistake, they are there to graciously point it out. God says it's better to continually barraged by your friend than it is to be kissed by your enemy. One, though appearing bad, is good for you while the other appears good, but is actually bad for you.

3. Counsel

Proverbs 27:9, "Oil and perfume make the heart glad, So a man's counsel is sweet to his friend."

Friends are here to give us advice. They offer different perspectives on issues and problems. They offer wisdom and insight. Notice something else about this passage. It says "so a man's counsel is sweet to his friend." All singular words. It doesn't say "so a counsel's advice is to one of it's constituents." This is not to say that groups of friends cannot advise you, but that job is fulfilled by something else: the Church. A single friend (usually) will know you very well. As such they can offer advice they know is specific to you and your situation.

4. Help in Time of Distress

Proverbs 27:10, "Do not forsake your own friend or your father's friend, And do not go to your brother's house in the day of your calamity; Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother far away."

Friends can step in for absent family members in times of distress. Sometimes it's a good alternative to go to a close friend in a time of trouble than to a family member--especially if the family member is not available. Friends have one thing family sometimes cannot provide: nearness. Your friends come mostly from your surrounding community. This being the case, they are readily accessible if something goes wrong in your life. In addition, as Christians, they can offer prayer for you.

5. Mutual Betterment

Proverbs 27:17, "Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another."

Friends are here so that we can use one another to mutually improve ourselves. One of you is a little too soft spoken and the other is a little too abrasive? Use one another to work out the other's faults. Edification is a very integral part of friendship.

Which is Better? Many Friends or Few Friends?

Proverbs 18:24, "A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

This is the pivotal verse I want to study for a moment. God is very clear: if you have too many friends, you come to ruin. In addition, there is "a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Notice it says "friend" and not "friends."

Why would it be that too many friends leads to ruin?

1. Too Much Pressure

If you have too many friends (not "many", but "too many") there is constant pressure from one friend and then the other. It will eventually overwhelm you because somewhere down the road one friend's request or advice is going to rub against another's.

2. Distracts from God

If you have too many friends, you cannot stay focused on God. Friends are there to love and edify, but ultimately God is the best advice giver. He knows what's going to happen and when and why it will happen. He is the best source of information out there. Muddying that up with the voices of too many friends crowds out God's voice till you cannot hear it. It's better to stay back and have a balanced number of friends.

What Does Few Friends Give Me?

Having a few close friends (besides Jesus Christ of course), as stated above has many benefits. There is one or two people who can:

1. Give you advice

2. Comfort you

3. Sharpen you

4. Love you

5. Help you

6. Pray for you

7. Rebuke you

Friends are a good thing! But too many people doing those things to you at once can prove the old adage true, that too much of anything (even a good thing) is bad.

Conclusion

I would challenge you to reexamine your circle of friends. Would you say you have a large number of friends or just a few? Would you say you have a friend that "sticks closer that a brother" or so many friends sticking to you that you can't move? I would hope that this is not true of you and even if it is that you would avoid the trap of too many friends and draw yourself back to your closest, most edifying friends.

God bless,

Robert